Y’s Version of “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie”

Author's Note: Pat is concerned I sound a little angry or bitter. I'm neither. Just having fun.
Ok, maybe I'm a little irritated, but this story is all in good fun.

IF YOU TAKE A BABY TO THE STORE

If you take a baby to the store…

That baby will most likely start whimpering in the stroller…

And when he starts whimpering in the stroller, it will turn into a cry…

And when he starts to cry, people will turn and look at you like you’re a bad mother, so you pick up the baby…

And when you pick up the baby, you’ll get even more looks and some will think they need to call social services because that baby only has on a onesie and NO SOCKS (GASP!)…

So you grab the blanket as quickly as you can and wrap it around the baby, quickly tucking in the bare toes, but they keep popping out and taunting the old ladies….

And those taunted old bags…uh, ladies…will come up to you and fawn over the baby….

And when they fawn over the baby, you smile sweetly and look lovingly at your child clutched to your breast…

And those fawning women show their fangs and yank on the baby’s toes and say gruffly, “You should have socks on that baby. That baby’s cold.”

And when those old ladies spit their venom on you, you still try to keep that sweet smile on your face and say, “Thank you,” but you’d really rather say, “Mind your own business, you hag. I know if my child is cold or not.”

You turn and walk away as quickly as you can, hitting the baby’s head on a shelf and causing him to cry even louder…

So you break into a sprint and tell yourself that you have got to remember to bring extra clothing next time, no matter how hot it will be that day….

no matter that the mercury is going over a hundred degrees…

no matter that you know your baby is hot blooded and was crying in the stroller because he was too warm…

None of this matters because if you take a baby to the store…

You WILL be the center of attention.