A little melodramatic? Maybe.
I’ll tell you, though, when I walked in that building I felt the weight of the world on me, or at least the weight of a new mom re-entering the workforce. I had my lap top bag on my left shoulder, my breast pump on my right shoulder, my lunch bag hooked to my left arm and my purse hooked on my right. Plus, I was dragging my feet because I had been up since 4:30 that morning and don’t forget….I REALLY did NOT want to be there. I was sooo not ready to go back to work and leave my kids behind.
The fatigue didn’t help at all. I was sitting in a meeting at 9:00 – Can you believe they had me in a meeting by 9:00 on my first day back? Geez, people. Whatever happened to bring’er back in slowly? – So I’m sitting there trying to focus and listen and someone says, “What do you think, Yvonne?”
** YAWN **
And it was a big one.
“Huh?” was my response.
A bad omen of things to come.
Afterward it was time to pump a little breastmilk. I returned to my desk, took out my pump and realized it felt different. I open it up and what do you know? No accessories to do the pumping. I rolled my eyes at my forgetfulness and then let out a slight smile. I got to go home for lunch!
While I'm home I decide to call our insurance company to see if they cover nutritional counseling. When the guy came on the line I couldn’t think of the proper words to ask my question. What came out was, “I need, uh…do I have…I mean, can I….um…Nutrition. Talk. You know, food help.”
Ok, I’m exaggerating a little, but I'm not far off. I was completely embarrassed and tried to explain why my use of the English language was at a pre-school level.
“I just had a baby, you see. I’m tired.”
“Uh-huh,” was his response.
After I finally managed to get a logical question out and end my call I had to quickly feed Pace so I could get back to work for, yes, another meeting. This is where the heartbreak of a working mom comes in. Instead of eating he wanted to smile at me. And smile again. And smile some more. It was so sweet and I had to keep rushing him. Sarah overheard me saying I needed to go and she then sat next to my feet and said, "No, no go, Mommy." And my heart broke some more.
And now that I’ve written all of this out I realize that I've combined the past two days in my head.
Good grief. I need a nap!
And totally off subject, Pat was able to catch Pace smiling with the camera. Here's a pic to brighten your day...and mine.
Pace looks just like Pat. He is so adorable. Pace that is! I hope things get to better. I cannot imagine how hard it is to leave the little one home. I thought of Lily, who is Sarah's age, asking me not to leave would just about crush me. Do you have skype at work? I little smile from Pace might just make the day a little better!
ReplyDeleteSkype would be a great, but we don't have it at work. They probably wouldn't let me use it either. I can't check personally email during my lunch break anymore. Good grief!
ReplyDeleteMaybe Pat will bring the kids to have lunch with me from time-to-time. When Sarah was a baby he would meet met at the mall not far from my office 3 times a week. I would strap her in the snugli and we would walk during my lunch. We both lost weight, too. Hmmm....