We had our Christmas Eve service yesterday evening, which ended with singing "Silent Night" by candlelight. After everyone had extinguished their candles and left to finish last minute wrapping and cooking (at least that was my plan), Savannah came up to me holding her candle.
"Mom? If I blew out my candle and lit it again, is it still holy?"
"Sure," I responded. I couldn't see how her intentions would be anything but.
"Good. I want to take it outside and blow it out and send the smoke up to Jesus for a present."
She touched my heart and I'm sure put a smile on the one who came to us as a baby many, many stars ago on this day.
I'm sending out a smoke signal to all of you; you who still come to see what I have to say despite my absences.
I hope you have a blessed and joyful Christmas and a happy and safe new year (but I plan to talk to you again before then.)
Showing posts with label spiritual. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spiritual. Show all posts
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Yoga Makes the Family Come 'Round
I love Yoga.
Yoga has kept me flexible as I’ve aged.
It eases the lower back pain I developed after carrying Sarah.
I even found a routine that alleviates menstrual cramps all day without having to take a single Ibuprofen.
And when Pat was traveling while Savannah was a toddler, it gave me respite from her terrible two’s.
A few years ago after Savannah got over those terrible two’s, my sister Valarie, a Yoga enthusiast herself, gave Savannah her very own Yoga DVD complete with a mat. Savannah and I spent many weekends with our mats next to each other, leaning on one another during Tree Pose, laughing until we cried doing the rocking Beetle Pose, and I frequently ended up in Corpse Pose, my favorite of all poses (Duh!), with Savannah sitting on top of me giggling. It didn’t have quite the calming effect on her I hoped it would, but we had a blast.
Now when I exercise at home Sarah waits for me to finish and then asks me to put in that same yoga DVD.
“Lay down, Mommy. Lay down,” she says and I go through all the poses once again with a different child, and she doesn’t lie on top of me in Corpse Pose. She’s too busy talking. Again, not quite fulfilling the purpose of Corpse Pose, but I enjoy it.
Corpse Pose is meant to give you total relaxation, a meditative moment at the end of your practice. You lie on your mat, eyes closed, hands open, and let the relaxation come.
The power of Corpse Pose came to me not long after I began practicing Yoga on the weekends. It was the week after my father died and I had been back at work for a couple days. I had a gym membership through work and they offered a Yoga class every Friday during lunch. I decided to take advantage of it to see if I could get any relief from the grief that completely consumed me, if just for a moment.
I had never taken a Yoga class before. I had only used videos and books. The instructor announced we would be concentrating on our feet that day. Interesting, I thought. And then we spent the next 20 minutes looking at, stretching, and massaging our feet.
Interesting, turned to, This is just weird.
Finally, about half way through, we began doing the traditional poses and ended with Corpse Pose. Aaahhhh! I sunk down into the floor, took in a deep breath, and closed my eyes. I hadn’t been too impressed with the class, but I was ready to just be alone, away from work, away from the phone, and even away from family.
After a couple moments the instructor’s voice faded and I felt like I was in my own cocoon. Suddenly I found myself in my father’s living room. He was lying in the same hospital bed the hospice care company had set up for him 3 weeks before he died. During those 3 weeks I had wanted to lie down next to him so badly, but he was in so much pain from the cancer, I was afraid of hurting him. He seemed too delicate.
But that day, in that Corpse Pose, in that imaginary cocoon, I walked to the bed and laid down next to my father. His arm, attached to many tubes, wrapped around me, and we clung to each other in silence.
I don’t know how long I stayed that way before I heard the instructor’s voice call to me. I was the last one in the room. Tears were streaming down my face.
“You okay?” she asked kneeling beside me. I just nodded and wiped my face. She helped me fold up my mat and put my things away, and we parted ways with a smile to each other.
Yoga has continued to be what I turn to when things get to be too much, or I feel as though I’m sinking. I’ve tried to make time for it while working through this postpartum funk. Three kids don’t allow a lot of free time for a full routine, but I try to sneak in a Corpse Pose every once in a while, even if it’s with a babbling toddler next to me and a sleeping baby in the swing. It still gives me just a moment.
Namaste.
Yoga has kept me flexible as I’ve aged.
It eases the lower back pain I developed after carrying Sarah.
I even found a routine that alleviates menstrual cramps all day without having to take a single Ibuprofen.
And when Pat was traveling while Savannah was a toddler, it gave me respite from her terrible two’s.
A few years ago after Savannah got over those terrible two’s, my sister Valarie, a Yoga enthusiast herself, gave Savannah her very own Yoga DVD complete with a mat. Savannah and I spent many weekends with our mats next to each other, leaning on one another during Tree Pose, laughing until we cried doing the rocking Beetle Pose, and I frequently ended up in Corpse Pose, my favorite of all poses (Duh!), with Savannah sitting on top of me giggling. It didn’t have quite the calming effect on her I hoped it would, but we had a blast.
Now when I exercise at home Sarah waits for me to finish and then asks me to put in that same yoga DVD.
“Lay down, Mommy. Lay down,” she says and I go through all the poses once again with a different child, and she doesn’t lie on top of me in Corpse Pose. She’s too busy talking. Again, not quite fulfilling the purpose of Corpse Pose, but I enjoy it.
Corpse Pose is meant to give you total relaxation, a meditative moment at the end of your practice. You lie on your mat, eyes closed, hands open, and let the relaxation come.
The power of Corpse Pose came to me not long after I began practicing Yoga on the weekends. It was the week after my father died and I had been back at work for a couple days. I had a gym membership through work and they offered a Yoga class every Friday during lunch. I decided to take advantage of it to see if I could get any relief from the grief that completely consumed me, if just for a moment.
I had never taken a Yoga class before. I had only used videos and books. The instructor announced we would be concentrating on our feet that day. Interesting, I thought. And then we spent the next 20 minutes looking at, stretching, and massaging our feet.
Interesting, turned to, This is just weird.
Finally, about half way through, we began doing the traditional poses and ended with Corpse Pose. Aaahhhh! I sunk down into the floor, took in a deep breath, and closed my eyes. I hadn’t been too impressed with the class, but I was ready to just be alone, away from work, away from the phone, and even away from family.
After a couple moments the instructor’s voice faded and I felt like I was in my own cocoon. Suddenly I found myself in my father’s living room. He was lying in the same hospital bed the hospice care company had set up for him 3 weeks before he died. During those 3 weeks I had wanted to lie down next to him so badly, but he was in so much pain from the cancer, I was afraid of hurting him. He seemed too delicate.
But that day, in that Corpse Pose, in that imaginary cocoon, I walked to the bed and laid down next to my father. His arm, attached to many tubes, wrapped around me, and we clung to each other in silence.
I don’t know how long I stayed that way before I heard the instructor’s voice call to me. I was the last one in the room. Tears were streaming down my face.
“You okay?” she asked kneeling beside me. I just nodded and wiped my face. She helped me fold up my mat and put my things away, and we parted ways with a smile to each other.
Yoga has continued to be what I turn to when things get to be too much, or I feel as though I’m sinking. I’ve tried to make time for it while working through this postpartum funk. Three kids don’t allow a lot of free time for a full routine, but I try to sneak in a Corpse Pose every once in a while, even if it’s with a babbling toddler next to me and a sleeping baby in the swing. It still gives me just a moment.
Namaste.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Keep Dancing
It was bittersweet at church today. The music was great, if I may say so myself seeing as how I select the songs and sing at least half of them. The energy in the room was high and everyone was singing and clapping. It was my first Sunday back since I had Pace and I really enjoyed myself.
BUT…it was also my sister’s last Sunday with us. In case you don’t know, my sister Valarie is our pastor. Or was. She is moving to another church…in another town, which saddens me for two different reasons: (1) I’m losing my pastor, and (2) I’m being separated from my sister who has lived just a block away from me for the last several years. Pat and I will now be without any family in this big city.
Despite the closeness of our homes, Val and I could go a month or more without seeing each other due to the demands of our jobs and family schedules. Plus, we both really appreciate quiet moments alone – totally alone. No kids. No husbands. Just the quiet, and a great book. It wasn’t until I started singing in the band at church and taking more of a leadership role in the music that we saw each other every week and sometimes had several conversations as I worked to find songs to coincide with her sermon. We developed a partnership through the church and a new type of closeness.
I’ve been a member of a couple different churches with Valarie as pastor. It was always sad when she left for her next assignment and I stayed behind for a while, but things went back to normal fairly quickly. This time feels different, though. For one thing, I won’t follow my sister to her next stop. Pat and I have found a home in this church. An extended family, actually. We are exactly where we want to be.
For another, the last couple of years have been a special time in my spiritual life. I feel I’ve grown and discovered my own relationship with God, not the one I always felt I should have, and Val has been with me, and talked me through this exploration. I feel honored to have shared this time with my sister.
Today Val preached on a scripture from 2 Samuel, chapter 6, which includes, “David and all the house of Israel were dancing before the Lord with all their might, with songs and lyres and harps and tambourines and castanets and cymbals.” She concluded by thanking the congregation for dancing with her and asked us to keep on dancing now that she’s gone.
And that’s what we’ll do, but it will be a little different. We’ll probably move to a slightly different beat with our new pastor, but I will continue to explore my spirituality through music, still reaching for the phone for a little guidance, though it will be long distance now.
And I’ll keep dancing.
I hope Val’s new church dances with her.
BUT…it was also my sister’s last Sunday with us. In case you don’t know, my sister Valarie is our pastor. Or was. She is moving to another church…in another town, which saddens me for two different reasons: (1) I’m losing my pastor, and (2) I’m being separated from my sister who has lived just a block away from me for the last several years. Pat and I will now be without any family in this big city.
Despite the closeness of our homes, Val and I could go a month or more without seeing each other due to the demands of our jobs and family schedules. Plus, we both really appreciate quiet moments alone – totally alone. No kids. No husbands. Just the quiet, and a great book. It wasn’t until I started singing in the band at church and taking more of a leadership role in the music that we saw each other every week and sometimes had several conversations as I worked to find songs to coincide with her sermon. We developed a partnership through the church and a new type of closeness.
I’ve been a member of a couple different churches with Valarie as pastor. It was always sad when she left for her next assignment and I stayed behind for a while, but things went back to normal fairly quickly. This time feels different, though. For one thing, I won’t follow my sister to her next stop. Pat and I have found a home in this church. An extended family, actually. We are exactly where we want to be.
For another, the last couple of years have been a special time in my spiritual life. I feel I’ve grown and discovered my own relationship with God, not the one I always felt I should have, and Val has been with me, and talked me through this exploration. I feel honored to have shared this time with my sister.
Today Val preached on a scripture from 2 Samuel, chapter 6, which includes, “David and all the house of Israel were dancing before the Lord with all their might, with songs and lyres and harps and tambourines and castanets and cymbals.” She concluded by thanking the congregation for dancing with her and asked us to keep on dancing now that she’s gone.
And that’s what we’ll do, but it will be a little different. We’ll probably move to a slightly different beat with our new pastor, but I will continue to explore my spirituality through music, still reaching for the phone for a little guidance, though it will be long distance now.
And I’ll keep dancing.
I hope Val’s new church dances with her.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Maiden Entry
I’m taking the leap. I’ve wanted to start a blog for about 2 years now, but I guess I was scared to make the commitment or put my crazy, run-away thoughts out in public. Since I think about it so often, and enjoy reading other blogs, I figure it’s time (southern phrase) to start. So here goes.
What can you expect me to talk about? You’ll hear about Pat, my husband of 12 years. (Did I get that right, Honey?) You’ll also meet my 2 daughters: Savannah, 10, and Sarah, 2: the 2 best things I’ve done in my life. You’ll experience my current pregnancy as well. We just found out last week that it’s a boy. Yeah! I can stop trying now! Seriously, though, I’ve wanted a boy for a while and I can’t wait to meet him and have a little more testosterone in the house - not that Pat doesn’t provide enough!
I’ll also vent about my frustrations with my career, if you could call it that. At 40, I don’t feel that I’m doing what I should. Arriving and leaving work drained most days can’t be a good thing, can it? I hope this blog will help me sort things out so that I can get on the right track and maybe take some chances that lead to change.
Then there’s my spiritual side. Despite growing up with a Methodist minister as a mother and a Baptist music leader as a father, I’m just now trying to find my own spirituality. Not what mom or dad told me or showed me, but my own individual relationship with God. I’ve always been a believer, but never took it seriously. In my teens and twenties I didn’t believe you could be a “Good Christian” and still have fun. Know what I mean? But now, thanks to expanding my friendship base and opening my heart and mind, I realize you can still have a glass (or two or three) of wine, or let an occasional f-bomb drop (for me, it’s more frequent than occasional) and you won’t be laughed out of church or put in a corner with a picture of flames all around you to remind you of where you’re going.
I’ve been blessed to have been given the opportunity to explore my spirituality through music with my husband. He’s the band leader at our church and I now have the pleasure of singing with him (a secret dream I’ve had since I met him 15 years ago), along with other members of the band that we are so blessed to have. (Our rhythm section rocks!) Some of the sacred music out there is pretty hokey, but some of it is so honest and really describes where I am, and where I feel so many of us are in our spirituality with such a materialistic and fast-paced world. This music has opened up a new avenue for me to drive down and really try to take it all in while the whispers float in through the open window. (Ok – I just turned hokey myself.)
Don’t be scared away. This blog isn’t just a place to explore spirituality, though. It’s a place to write about my beloved family, our experiences and downfalls, my career frustrations, pregnancy, and, yes…dealing with turning the dreaded 40.
I hope you take the ride with me.
What can you expect me to talk about? You’ll hear about Pat, my husband of 12 years. (Did I get that right, Honey?) You’ll also meet my 2 daughters: Savannah, 10, and Sarah, 2: the 2 best things I’ve done in my life. You’ll experience my current pregnancy as well. We just found out last week that it’s a boy. Yeah! I can stop trying now! Seriously, though, I’ve wanted a boy for a while and I can’t wait to meet him and have a little more testosterone in the house - not that Pat doesn’t provide enough!
I’ll also vent about my frustrations with my career, if you could call it that. At 40, I don’t feel that I’m doing what I should. Arriving and leaving work drained most days can’t be a good thing, can it? I hope this blog will help me sort things out so that I can get on the right track and maybe take some chances that lead to change.
Then there’s my spiritual side. Despite growing up with a Methodist minister as a mother and a Baptist music leader as a father, I’m just now trying to find my own spirituality. Not what mom or dad told me or showed me, but my own individual relationship with God. I’ve always been a believer, but never took it seriously. In my teens and twenties I didn’t believe you could be a “Good Christian” and still have fun. Know what I mean? But now, thanks to expanding my friendship base and opening my heart and mind, I realize you can still have a glass (or two or three) of wine, or let an occasional f-bomb drop (for me, it’s more frequent than occasional) and you won’t be laughed out of church or put in a corner with a picture of flames all around you to remind you of where you’re going.
I’ve been blessed to have been given the opportunity to explore my spirituality through music with my husband. He’s the band leader at our church and I now have the pleasure of singing with him (a secret dream I’ve had since I met him 15 years ago), along with other members of the band that we are so blessed to have. (Our rhythm section rocks!) Some of the sacred music out there is pretty hokey, but some of it is so honest and really describes where I am, and where I feel so many of us are in our spirituality with such a materialistic and fast-paced world. This music has opened up a new avenue for me to drive down and really try to take it all in while the whispers float in through the open window. (Ok – I just turned hokey myself.)
Don’t be scared away. This blog isn’t just a place to explore spirituality, though. It’s a place to write about my beloved family, our experiences and downfalls, my career frustrations, pregnancy, and, yes…dealing with turning the dreaded 40.
I hope you take the ride with me.
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